Social Occasion Excuses
Prevention is the Best Cure^
There is little worse in life than when you have managed to set aside a period of time purely for the art of relaxation, (where your only concern is ‘do I have a good supply of teabags and milk in stock? I don’t want to be leaving the house again.’) Only to have it ruined by a last minute invite to an unwanted social occasion. It can be so hard to find a solid chunk of time which is not weighed down by some commitment to a friend, family member , employer, or even oneself. The last thing you want is for some misguided fool to interrupt this by trying to make you have fun.
In an ideal world you would be able to simply offer a polite, but firm: ‘Thanks, but no thanks, I’m busy sitting around in my pyjamas watching soap omnibuses then, maybe next time.’, or perhaps; ‘look steve, I have nothing on, but I’m curled up on the sofa two episodes into my Sopranos marathon and I cannot be bothered to meet up with you today’. Sadly however, you cannot get away with that in polite society without people thinking of you as odd. As mentioned in the intro, one of the main aims of this book is to make it acceptable to tell people you have got nothing planned, as an activity, but I appreciate how difficult that is, especially with colleagues and newer friends. Therefore, for those of you who have not gotten to that level of alienation inducing honesty, the following section of the book is dedicated to safeguarding your lounge time, from the evil of those who do not understand or appreciate such a thing.
*Face to face, and even phone-call excuses can be very hard, lying convincingly under such spontaneous pressure is reserved only for the very talented, it also allows for rapid fire questioning on their part to try and catch you out. A good option is to simply agree to the event, and perhaps add that you are really looking forward to it, knowing full well that a simply text message excuse at a later date will solve everything, it’s not pretty but it get results. Technology is a wonderful thing.
If you don’t have a partner, lie. If you haven’t seen the friend in a while just say you have been going out a short while or if they know you well you can adapt it to a new ‘friend’ who you really think is the one and don’t want to mess things up so early into the relationship. These sort of situations are no time for moral quandries about lying to a friend. They probably aren’t a real friend anyway, otherwise you would have been able to tell them that you simply couldn’t be bothered to come out to their awful event in the first place.