Draw the curtains, turn off the phone and go back to bed. Leaving Lloyds TSB… Getting back to work | Cannot Be Bothered

Leaving Lloyds TSB… Getting back to work


It has been a month since I ended my employment with Lloyds TSB Group Operations.

After a month of slowly building back up what little self esteem and motivation 14 years of working life has left me with, I have finally been able to press on with getting this site somewhere near complete. With that comes a new post from me, and one sent in from a former colleague, demonstrating an extraordinary ability to kill time at work.

When I knew I had gotten the new job, I handed in my notice and took all the holiday I had left in order to get out of that place as soon as possible. Sadly however, I miscalculated my holiday days and told my new workplace I could start on the Monday, when I actually had to work. In a very rare instance I was not willing to call in sick as I had to show a colleague who I didn’t hate the ropes, although mainly the reason was that I was worried they’d screw me over on my holiday pay; something I know that they are capable of.
As such I had to work on the Saturday. As if it were not horrible enough only getting a one day weekend, I also had to have my leaving drinks the night before.

Fittingly I ended my Lloyds TSB career smelling strongly of vomit, (I had thrown up in the high street on the way to work. Not something I am proud of) putting files in boxes and wondering how it could all have gone so wrong.

I plan on doing an entry for Lloyds TSB Group Ops in the woeful workplace memoirs section at some point, but the memories are too raw at the moment. Instead I thought I would put on the site the leaving email I sent to the whole of Lloyds TSB’s group ops staff:

Dear Colleagues,

In order to promote visibility, I am touching base to communicate a heads up for your immediate action; that today is Group Ops’ final day working with the Dan (surname deleted) brand. Thank you all for facilitating me. Contributing my resource to this positive working environment has been a sustainable learning experience that has transformed me as an individual.

Through file retrieval I relished the opportunity to enhance, evolve and execute robust new systems to tackle the constraints, bottle-necks and pinch-points that archiving delivers. I hope that through rolling out our spearheading measures we have inspired and highlighted to everyone the importance to intervene and integrate processes while continually improving excellence every day, in the one best way.

Even throughout the allocated building restack process, I feel that we maintained excellent synergy and teamwork throughout our resources; keeping the proof of concept and mission statements flowing, and all work within measures of control and bottom-lined by the end of play each day.

Moving forward I hope you will all be strong without me, whilst processing business as usual and maintaining the high key performance indicators that I know you are all capable of. Even though I am no longer physically there, please continue driving organisational development; delivering conflict resolution and implementing actionable value adding, envelope-pushing systems around the group’s core competencies and best practices. If anyone is not in this mailbox please carry out a sense check as to why this has happened, and escalate the issue before cascading and feeding this information back to them. I must end this email now in order to finish my lean journey on a high note.

Take care; I hope to maintain a dialogue with many of you in the future.


Dan (surname deleted)

‘Making up for other people’s mistakes since 2008′

Fulfillment Team 6, Scotland & North Region

Lloyds TSB,

P I want to look like a good person and that I care about the planet.

I hope anyone reading this likes it; I am very pleased with the response from my former colleagues, especially hearing that my old team had put it on the wall. I hope to do more on the site on corporate jargon and euphemisms so if you can think of any that are not on here please let me know.

I hope to compile a comprehensive list of these terms as well as a piece on why they are used and  to what effect and ideally how they have come about.

Anyway I have really only done this blog entry as a way to distract myself from working on the main bulk of the site so I shall get back to work.

Kind Regards,


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