Because boredom at work is as damaging as stress. Social Occasion Excuses. : Cannot Be Bothered

Social Occasion Excuses.

Intro

There is little worse in life than when you have managed to set aside a period of time purely for the art of relaxation, (where your only concern is ‘do I have a good supply of teabags and milk in stock? I don’t want to be leaving the house again.’) Only to have it ruined by a last minute invite to an unwanted social occasion.  It can be so hard to find a solid chunk of time which is not weighed down by some commitment to a friend, family member , employer, or even oneself. The last thing you want is for some misguided fool to interrupt this by trying to make you have fun.

In an ideal world you would be able to simply offer a polite, but firm: ‘Thanks, but no thanks, I’m busy sitting around in my pyjamas watching soap omnibuses then, maybe next time.’, or perhaps; ‘Look Gary, I have nothing on, but I’m curled up on the sofa two episodes into my Sopranos marathon and I cannot be bothered to meet up with you today’. Sadly however, you cannot get away with that in polite society, not without people thinking of you as odd. As mentioned in the about section, one of the main aims of cannot be bothered is to make it acceptable to tell people you have got nothing planned, as an activity, but we appreciate how difficult that is, especially with colleagues and newer friends.

Therefore, for those of you who have not gotten to that level of alienation inducing honesty, the following section of the site is dedicated to safeguarding your lounging time, from the evil of those who do not understand or appreciate such a thing.

Before we begin with the excuse list, a simple tip: Face to face, and even phone-call excuses can be very hard, lying convincingly under such spontaneous pressure is reserved only for the very talented; it also allows for rapid fire questioning on their part to try and catch you out. A good option is to simply agree to the event, and perhaps add that you are really looking forward to it, knowing full well that a simply text message excuse at a later date will solve everything, it’s not pretty but it get results. Technology is a wonderful thing.

Before we begin, please note that many of the Work Excuses can be adjusted to suit a social occasion.

The following are issues that work would not stand for but your friends should, please bear with this section; spending a couple of years as a rude hermit has reduced my ability to think of clever excuses. So if you have anything to add please contribute!

Excuse list

Why You Cannot Go^

You have no money^

Sometimes people will offer to buy you drinks if you go out, this may seem that this is a kind gesture from a friend, but be warned: this is a trap. If you go down this path you will most likely end up buying them drinks back, damaging the future use of this excuse and ruining your evening.

Job App ^

(Submitted By Suzy)

One thing i have used that has worked is:

I’m applying for this amazing job and silly me, only just realised the deadline is tomorrow morning so i won’t be able to come out as I’ll be up doing my personal statement for that….

This works because:

a) Everyone knows how laborious job applications are

b) They can’t make you feel bad for pursuing a good job and a dream – and they can’t prove that you’re not doing it either

c) When they enquire about it later, you say ‘no i wasn’t shortlisted’ and then you’ll get a bit of sympathy too

WIN WIN!!

You have to Spend ‘Quality Time’ with your Partner^

This seems to be a universally accepted excuse, most people understand what it’s like to have a significant other crying neglect, some friends may poke fun, saying you are under the thumb and such, but ultimately they will resign to the fact that you are not coming. The great thing about this excuse is that you can play the victim; “ah man I would love to go but I promised Carmella that I would cook for her tonight, really annoyed” and turn the disappointment into sympathy

If you don’t have a partner, lie. If you haven’t seen the friend in a while just say you have been going out a short while or if they know you well, you can adapt it to a new ‘friend’ who you really think is the ‘one’ and you don’t want to mess things up so early into the relationship. These sorts of situations are no time for moral quandaries about lying to a friend. They probably aren’t a real friend anyway; otherwise you would have been able to tell them that you simply couldn’t be bothered to come out to their awful event in the first place.

You got the Date Wrong^

(Submitted By Kelsey)

Pretty self explanatory really, a quick message after you know the vent has taken place asking what time it is should do the trick.

Deny all knowledge^

This one only really applies if you were indirectly invited to the event. It could be that a friend told another mutual friend to let you know about a gathering, it may seem cruel; but now you can tell the person in charge that you never found out.

With the success of facebook, a lot of people simply arrange social occasions through invites on there. This is an easy way out, either delete your facebook, or claim there must have been a technical glitch (people always believe in those) and you never got the invite, or alternatively; you are a total novice and you wouldn’t even know how to check for an invite.

Double Booked^

Ideal if you are a disorganised person – you can just say that you totally forgot about a prior engagement. This could even be relatively honest if you don’t say what the other engagement is; they don’t need to know you are going to be spending the evening playing videogames.

Leaving Early Excuses:^

Just leave.^

Simply walking out without telling anyone avoids all the hassle from people telling you that you have to stay. Worry about telling your friends in the morning, you can even make this your gimmick, you get drunk and you go home. I’ve known people that do this for real, so why not make it your own and no-one can blame you.

Just been Sick^

Say that you have had too much to drink and you feel you have to go home right away. People probably won’t want you too close when they hear this so it’s safe for you to make your escape.

Early Start Tomorrow^

This can be used for nearly any imaginary event that is happening the next day. A very early start means that you won’t be able to stay out long.

Driving First thing

You could say you have to leave as you need to be under the limit so as to drive first thing the next day.

Why You Cannot Drink^

Sometimes you may decide to brave a party remaining in a lucid state throughout, or perhaps you have been drinking and have decided that it is probably best for your, and everyone else’s sake that you stop. We are not here to judge, some people however, will simple not be able to accept this decision, as such here are a few tips to try and avoid their pressure and bullying.

You Have to Drive Home^

Nice and simple, most people would never dream to argue with this, and if someone does you can be so appalled you walk out!

On Medication^

If it’s a work party then this one is ideal if you’ve been off sick lately, it validates your excuse and will make people leave you alone. Tell people you will be very ill if you drink, this should make them awkward and leave you alone.

Pour it Away^

This is most useful when you have decided to stop drinking of an evening, and some people/imbeciles will simply not accept this decision, these people may be really drunk, or really stupid; whichever it may be, in this state they are not to be respected. So when they keep buying you drinks, graciously accept their kindness and pay a few trips to the toilet, emptying them each time, flowerpots will do, and if you are outside even the floor. They will think you are enjoying their gift – they are happy, you are happy, everyone is a winner.

Drinking Problem^

Tell people that you have had to stop drinking as it has become a problem. I was able to test this out once (as it was almost true) and it was the most successful reason I’ve ever given to stop people pestering me. People may think that you are a freak, but chances are they already do, so I wouldn’t worry.

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